WOW!!!! It's so weird to finally be able to write a post mortem like this. Currently, it's a day after release of the game. I'm still in shock, but I'd like to cover things one at a time to kind of get my thoughts in order. I am planning on making an in depth video of the behind the scenes of this visual novel as well as some tips and lessons I learned. But for now, let's dive into the post mortem!! (This post will contain game spoilers, so just a heads up!!)

1. Initial Concept to Finalization:

The initial concept of The Librarian was conceived about early spring of this year. I was just dipping my toe into the world of game dev and was jotting down ideas left and right. It was going to be an episodic VN series about MC travelling to different fairytales. Each release would've been called a "book".  Instead of Xingshe disappearing at the end, he would've been a reoccurring character that you could see again, based off your choices. The reason the game ended the way it did was because it was going to lead up into the next part. The whole series was going to be filled game affecting choices, different types of relationships (romance, friendship, enemies), and even big betrayals. Obviously, it was way too ambitious for my first full length VN and no sane person would do that for free. While I could've funded it at the time if I stayed at my job, I decided that it wouldn't be good for someone who barely had a brand.

When Phantasia Jam was announced a couple of months later, I knew it was the perfect opportunity for me. It was three months long, led by two studios that I adored, and had a genre that I loved. So I decided to join. I chose The Librarian because it fit the fantasy concept perfectly. As the jam go closer, I wrote out a full outline. I went over it about a million times before I finally landed on a cut down story of an original concept: An author that meets a mysterious librarian and gets isekai'd to another world. I know the transition wasn't completely smooth, but I still love the way it turned out (thanks to the editors and writers making it that way <3)

2.  Being a Leader 

I am not a leader type. Not because I don't want the responsibility, but because I am extremely introverted.  I never really share my ideas with people, even now, because I get anxious about reactions and I never really had anyone to do that with growing up. So this was a really big and hard jump for me. I had to put my trust in people to not only listen to me, but represent my ideas. That's a scary thing, isn't it?

Other than that, I got a lot of advice from people in the community and used my own experience on teams as well. The type of leader I wanted to be was someone who was organized, confident, and wasn't afraid of confrontations or putting their foot down. The opposite of what I am. One of my teammates did mention that everything was very organized and he was impressed. It made my heart so warm. Throughout this whole three months, I was constantly stressed and anxious. But the fact that they felt it was organized and everything was detailed? That means I achieved what I set out to do. 

3. Concerns and How They Turned Out

With a project, especially a first time project, there is going to be a lot of concerns. My first and biggest concern is: Are people interested? Will I generate enough interest to create a good team? What if I put my idea out there and no one wants to join my team? It was an incredibly scary thought. Luckily, I managed to get an incredibly talented team that was interested. I'm not sure if they loved the story, but showing interest was enough for me.

My second concern: Will the story match my vision? As a writer, it's so incredibly frustrating to try and create a vision without being good at art. Even with descriptions and putting together inspiration, I was still worried the characters wouldn't look the way I wanted. But the artists turned my visions to reality. The only small thing is that I want Xingshe to be beefier. That's more of a personal preference more than anything though. Heh. 

There's also the writing: Will the writing match mine? Will the edits be true to the story? I want to be 100% honest in this section. Throughout all the years I've been writing, I rarely had any beta readers or editors. It was very scary to bare myself to everyone and have them edit my work with no mercy. It was scary to let writers take my outline and write what they wanted. It was all so scary!!! At first, when editing started, it felt like getting stabbed. I had a lot of doubts with my writing skills. But as time went on, I knew that they were just making my writing the best it could be. Of course, reading through the whole finished thing, some of the writing doesn't seem like my own. But overall, I think it came out great. As for the other writers, I had nothing to worry about. They did more than an amazing job. 

My third concern: Will it get done in time? Even though it was a three month long jam, the team and I ran into a lot of roadblocks. We had a lot of people leave the team due to a lot of different things. Life happens. I am very understanding in that and the last thing I wanted to do was share my stress with my teammates. We kept a steady pace in everything except for UI and programming. The UI didn't get started until the latter half of the second month and the programming started shortly after. I am so incredibly proud of my UI artists and programmer working so hard to get everything done. Despite the last minute push, everything turned out amazing. 

In the last month of the game, my dog passed away. Sophie was my everything. We had her since around 2006, I believe. She was very old, so her time had come, but it completely broke me. I'm crying just writing this. At this point in time, I had to take a break. I thought I had prepared myself enough to keep going, but I didn't. I wanted to just throw everything away and spend the rest of my time crying and mourning for the lost of a close love. It was a really hard blow. I felt sorry to my teammates as well when I said I was taking a short break. It felt like I was just leaving them behind and not being a good leader. Still, they understood and stood by me. Everything got done in time and I am grateful they understood. 

My fourth concern: Will the game do well? This is the concern every game dev has. I talked about this with some friends before release. I was, and still am, so scared. I hold very high expectations of myself. It's unfair, honestly, because if I don't perform that well, I'll feel like I failed. I told myself through this whole thing that the game was going to do amazing, we're going to get so many downloads, it's gonna blow up!! But now, I want to be realistic. It's my first game. Marketing did ok at best (I'll still continue to market). I am not well known within any circles or for any of my works. It's not going to be some sort of innovative new hot thing. 

For transparency, I posted a screenshot on how the game is doing at the moment. 

I'm new to the whole marketing thing. The tweets did well, but in reality, it didn't garner that many downloads. While the impressions are pretty good, it doesn't really compare to the views or downloads. It's making me think: "What am I doing wrong?" It's not like I'm incredibly disappointed. I don't want to do that to myself or others. I want to instead take this as a learning opportunity. I want to see what more marketing can do, how I can make people play the game. 

So did the game do well? For a first time, I would say it did decent. That's enough for me. 

4. Release

GAAAAH! I was so anxious before release. We released the game at around 2am EST. Immediately after, I passed out. Before then I was hopped up on Red Bull (watermelon flavor!), no sleep, and anxiety nausea. I had stayed up about the whole weekend just grinding out all the work that I could possibly do. I think I got snippy at one point (sorry :c ily team), and I just generally felt like I wasn't myself. When I woke up the next morning, I got to making announcements and preparing to livestream the game. I got messages of people saying how proud they were. It was the first time in my life that I felt like I actually made something worthwhile. 

Streaming my game was soooo nerve wracking. I by no means have a huge following, but even doing it live was scary. It got a pretty good reception though! All I can feel now is relief that it's over. And exhaustion. So much exhaustion. I need sleep. 

5. Final Thoughts

Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow. We did it. I created a team, directed, wrote, and helped finish a game. I had amazing teammates. And we made a game! A full fledged kinetic visual novel! I have said this time and time again, but I am incredibly proud and happy with my team. They are all amazingly talented people who deserve the best. Without them, this would not have been possible. I am glad to have worked with everyone. I'm glad I got this opportunity. I'm glad I was able to showcase what I can be capable of.  As this journey comes to a close, I will be looking back on this with fondness. I'm ready to move to the next thing. 

And that's all! I'll make a little post here once I finish the behind the scenes video, but it may take a bit. We are planning on doing some updates so also stay in tune for that! Until then, enjoy the concepts for our three main characters! See y'all next time!